My Search For Sensual Vitality

A few years ago, I set out to write a book about sex. Easier said than done! After exploring the swarm of midlife changes our bodies go through for my book Moving Through Menopause, I’d become aware that questions of libido and sexual function are a big concern as we get older. At the same time, I knew of younger women, caught up in the stresses of career or motherhood, who found themselves wondering at the sudden lack of passion in their lives. The truth is, a feeling of disconnection from your sensual vitality can happen at any time, and women of all ages may hear that voice inside them asking: Is that all there is?

I knew that much had already been written about these issues, and I was determined to find a new approach.

Promises, Promises . . .

Standing at the magazine rack in my local bookstore, I was struck by our culture’s single-minded focus on the mechanics of sex. Every cover screamed sexual performance—as though new bedroom breakthroughs were being made every day. Drive him wild! Make him beg for more! How could anyone’s sex life founder, with so many surefire techniques to try?

But there comes a point when you simply no longer relate to these breathless promises. For someone like me, recently divorced and emerging from a long period of celibacy, the vulnerability and longing associated with the thought of sex were more likely to bring up feelings of anxiety, sadness, or just plain apathy.

Then I was hit by one of those simple-but-brilliant revelations: Before you can really enjoy a sexual relationship, you need to feel sensually alive in your own skin. In other words, before you can really be in the mood, you need to be comfortable in your body.

Instantly I was on familiar ground, because I saw how this concept dovetailed with my mission in the fitness field: The issue wasn’t about –having sex, it was about finding a part of yourself that had gone missing. And it wasn’t about doing something with, or to, someone else—at least it didn’t start there. It was about having your own experience. It was about reconnecting the wiring of your own sensual vitality—becoming comfortable, physically and mentally, with yourself again.

Of course, you might be tempted to again say: Easier said than done! But I know it can be done. Through the journey of writing Flex Appeal, I discovered two principles I strongly -believe in:

1. The sensual aspect is one of the body’s systems—just as essential as the circulatory or digestive system—and we need to keep it healthy for the sake of our own well-being.
2. A person’s sensuality and sexuality are best approached in a larger context of her overall fitness level, body awareness, and self-image.

Here’s to your health!
Kathy

Look great and feel sexy at any age!

Look great and feel sexy at any age!